Top Three Jokes of the Day

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Ponderism : 101
It's true that alcohol kills people; but how many are born because of it?



A man was driving down a motorway in England with his blonde girlfriend and she piped up,"I think those people in the car next to us are from Wales".
"Why do you think that" he said?
"Well, the kids are writing on the window and it says:
"stit ruoy su wohS".



Ponderism 888:
"I promise", "I am sorry" and "I love you" all have eight letters...
but then again, so does "bullshit".



Adam Got Caught Speeding Yesterday...
the policeman asked him to step out of the car and walk in a straight line. Half way down he stopped Adam and said, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to come back to the station with me as you're staggering".
Adam replied, "Oohh, you little tiger, you're not so bad looking yourself".



Someone knocked at my door this afternoon.
When I opened it, I saw a guy from Domino's holding a cheese and tomato pizza.
"I haven't ordered any pizzas," I said. "This must be a mistake."
"I know," he replied. "Your neighbour forgot his Facebook password and wanted to show you what he was eating for lunch."



The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half full.
Of course the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

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Latest and Greatest One Liners

Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.


Vegetarian: Ancient tribal slang for the village idiot who can't hunt, fish or ride.


Common Sense is like Deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.


As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.


On the internet you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid.


They say money doesn't bring you happiness..I say neither does being broke.


The first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.


PLEASE..Pick up the phone and text your husband how much you love and care about him.
I do not want to see that shit on facebook.


Does anyone remember that one time, before Facebook, when we all went out and did stuff?


I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds...
then I got a Facebook account and now I'm over it.


It's better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life.


NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer, or porn.
This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars!


I have sexdaily. I mean dyslexia! Fcuk!


Women are like angels... when something breaks their wings, they simply continue to fly on a broomstick.
They're flexible like that!

True Story of Two Wisconsin Duck Hunters

Heard on a Wisconsin Radio Station


A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 with monthly payments of $560.00.

He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin . It's mid-winter.............and of course all of the lakes are frozen.

These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR. They decide they want to make a natural looking open water area for the ducks to focus on, something for the decoys to float on.

Now..................making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce. So........................out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse.

Our two Rocket Scientists...........afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action:

- they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust,
- they throw the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG...?

Let's talk about the dog:

A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING; especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it......................The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse........... Just as it hits the ice.

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop.

The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming. One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab.

The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused, then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane!!!!!!

The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end...................he yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.

Then KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with 'I can't believe this just happened' looks on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use Of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make The first of those $560.00 a month payments.

The dog is okay....doing fine.

And to think you thought all Rednecks lived in the South.......


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